It's not supposed to be this difficult!

Now, I'm not too sure if this is too personal for blogging, but it's all that's ever on my mind these days.
So, for about 2 years now, Dean and I have been trying to get pregnant. So far, no such luck. I'm actually starting to believe that people were right when they told me I was jinxing myself by already having my children's names picked out and by buying cute little onesie before I'm even prego.
Back in January I finally got frustrated enough and had my doc check me out to see what they heck was going on. Well apparently my hormones are all jacked up (thanks to birth control I'm sure). It's been 3 months now that my doc has been attempting to get my hormones balanced with Clomid and Progesterone. On top of taking Clomid (which by they way makes me super irritable and emotional) I frequently go in for ultrasounds. Unfortunately the ultrasounds have not brought good news yet. The Cloimd doesn't appear to be helping me. I'm not sure what the next step is but I'm sure my doc will just up the dosage of the Clomid. I've read stories where women have tried for like 6 years to get pregnant! My goodness! 6 years! I'm not so sure my emotions would ever be able to handle that. I'm already about to wimp out.
One moment I'm determined to do anything and everything possible to get pregnant no matter how long it takes. But then the very next moment I start to wonder. I know God said to go forth and populate the earth. Well isn't it possible that maybe the earth is now populated beyond what he meant? Like we took it a little too far. So maybe some people aren't supposed to get pregnant. Maybe the whole infertility thing is to slow down production. But then on the other hand if this were to be true, why wouldn't he choose the people who are unfit to be parents to carry that out? Oh I could go on all day, back and forth.
Well I must end here, I'm off to yet another ultrasound.

~ Christi